entirely safe and fun

17 Oct ‘08, 6.43pm PDT PST: by ccreitz

In its larval form. Shallots, garlic, eggplants, tomatoes, chanterelles, zucchini, peppers, thyme, parsley, tarragon, oregano, and some weird French organic wine. So tasty!

“NO SOONER DO YOU DEFEAT THE TROLL THAN AN UMBER HULK APPEARS! ROLL INITIATIVE!” Photo courtesy Douglas S. Smith, found on wp

Surely it has happened to you: you’re out somewhere and need a random number, or a whole bunch of them. For me, this mostly happens at restaurants, when I would like to consult an Infallible Oracle as to which of N tasty possibilities is right for me on a given day. But maybe you’re playing Dungeons and Dragons in free-fall (this makes conventional dice less than useful). Perhaps you have found yourself diceless and kidnapped by a capricious yet mathematically sophisticated evil overlord, who will not free you until you have completed a Monte Carlo simulation by hand. I would like to help you, and if you’re that last guy I mentioned, buy you a drink.

Text “rolldice somestuff” to 41411, where somestuff is either a number or a D&D-style specification of how many dice to roll, and how many sides each die has. If you say just one number, you’ll get a reply with a random number between 1 and your number, inclusive, so sending “rolldice 6″ is like rolling a single, ordinary six-sided die; “rolldice 3″ will help you decide among the apple-glazed pork chop, the mahi-mahi on pan-fried noodles, and the five-spice steak. To use a D&D-style dice specification, put a “d” between the number of dice and the number of sides, so you would say “rolldice 3d10″ to get three random numbers between 1 and 10 (”three ten-sided dice”), or “rolldice 3d6″ to roll up your character’s stats old-school in that aforementioned free-fall role-playing scenario.

The way this was done is fairly cool, by the way: I used the free, ad-supported web service TextMarks to handle all the SMS-gateway logic, and then threw together a simple cgi script to handle the dice-rolling logic. Setting aside the time I spent figuring out that my newly-installed FTP client was set up wrong and mangling my script, the whole exercise took less than half an hour, which is nothing short of amazing – TextMarks 41411 is a marvel of simplicity.

16 Sep ‘08, 7.48pm PDT PST: by ccreitz

This one may also be worn as a stylish kepi, such as are sported by the French Foreign Legion.

12 Jul ‘08, 5.03am PDT PST: by ccreitz

At the (Irwin, PA) Big Mac Museum, which bills itself as the world’s most tasteful museum. The competition is the Silver Museum at the Pitti Palace, q.v.

12 Jul ‘08, 5.03am PDT PST: by ccreitz

Part of what makes the Big Mac Museum, which bills itself as the world’s most tasteful… well, so tasteful. Crystal Big Mac, crystal fries, crystal Coke. It is positively baroque!

4 Jul ‘08, 6.54pm PDT PST: by ccreitz

Better shot?

4 Jul ‘08, 6.52pm PDT PST: by ccreitz

You can tell from some of the pixels, and from seeing a few bridges in your time.

Inspired by a thing going around the blogonet, I have assembled a selection of seven (good) songs that I’d like to share. Inspired a bit further by Bach, I set an additional requirement for my own list: everything must be available for listening via a free download. Enjoy!

Pierre Aimard, peforming J. S. Bach – “Contrapuntus VII a 4 per augmentationem et diminutionem” (from The Art of Fugue, BWV 1080)

I am convinced that Bach was not human, but rather a representative of an alien race composed entirely of musical harmony. Here, Aimard reveals him at his most Martian. There was an insightful critical review of this recording on Slate shortly after its release, which comments on how abstract a piece of music the Art is; I like to listen to it with sheet music in hand. In fact, the sheet music is readable in the complete absence of performance — I can’t think of another piece whose sere formality is so compelling. The Wikipedia article on the Art is a fine guide to its formal structure.

Sunn O))) & Boris – “Etna”

Formalism in music attracts me, and I find the minimalist movement in extreme metal, epitomized by Sunn O))), to be the most exciting front in the evolution of popular music. Here, they are paired with the Japanese extreme-metal icons Boris for a track of anxious, foreboding drone from their collaborative album Altar.

Wolves in the Throne Room – “I Will Lay Down My Bones Among the Rocks and Roots”

Extreme metal is a very, very big tent. When the dying earth speaks to you, for instance, calling for you to return to the soil and heal its wounds, what might you do next? Might you consider starting up a “transformative black metal” band? This is apparently not so unlikely as it sounds.

Nine Inch Nails, “1,000,000″

At this point, with all the news reports already in on the innovative, free release of Nine Inch Nails’ latest album The Slip, I don’t suppose I have anything new to add. I will toss my recommendation atop the growing pile, and add my critical observation that The Slip feels to me like a mature take on the themes and even techniques of Broken. NIN continues to produce the loudest rests in the business, in a direct line from “Wish” to this track. The whole album is available for free directly from the artist.

Irina Kluyev, performing Franz Liszt – “Mephisto Waltz no 1″ (S.514)

Rather than comment on this particular recording, I’d like to point out the existence of its source, pianosociety.com. This is a site which hosts free recordings and sheet music, including some of excellent quality, and it will reward your perusal.

Simone Dinnerstein, performing J. S. Bach – “Variation 26″ (from the Goldberg Variations, BWV 988)

Again, there’s an excellent Slate critical essay by Evan Eisenberg to go with this one. Bach’s ability to revel in setting and meeting the tightest of formal restrictions, and his impossible harmonic genius, is enthralling. Dinnerstein more than keeps up her side of the conversation, in a virtuoso turn that is easily the equal of Gould’s.

Bad Religion – “Heroes and Martyrs”

Whatever Bad Religion have been before, now they’re a capable metal band with a unique vocal texture. Here, they nock an arrow from the Ramones’ quiver: “We can perform an awesome rock song in a minute and a half. Why can’t you?”

25 May ‘08, 4.02pm PDT PST: by ccreitz

He rolls one deep in the club. No posse.