Tacos vs the number line
Last night, I picked up some dinner at the Tacos del Mar right near Matchplay, Mountain View’s best place to play Magic. To be exact, I acquired precisely two chicken tacos. Since the beginning of the draft was drawing near, I brought my repast into the store and prepared to tuck in. Since I was drawing my food from an opaque sack, the magnitude of the feast wasn’t clear to the people in the store, but only Victor cared enough to ask about it. I replied that I had the correct number of tacos.
“I guess it’s better than a negative number of tacos,” Victor replied.
And this set me to thinking. There are tacos of which I wish I had eaten a negative number, foul tacoids whose uneating would have given me greater pleasure than any I could derive from merely digesting them. But that wouldn’t really be eating a negative number of tacos — it would just have been breaking even. “Eating negative tacos” is an act that would consist in (perhaps) eating a stack of saltines and a handful of dirt, then after some mysterious metabolo-Âalchemical transmutation, producing from one’s gorge a warm, filled, garnished, and above all whole taco. For maximum awesomeness, the taco would be sheathed in aluminum foil, which could be derived from the abundant aluminum in the Earth’s crust. Wax paper would be an acceptable, organic alternative.
I shared my vision with all present, to a decidedly poor reception, except from Victor. He imagined having such a power, and being driven power-mad by it, but above all having the opportunity to share it, with the battle-cry and summons to dinner, “Sup from my taco-hole!”
It was futher agreed that the nose would be a serviceable taquito-hole, but would not serve well or comfortably in the taco-hole role. It only occurred to me much later that there was no occasion in my life on which I wished I had eaten negative taquitos.
Tyler:
You neglect the ever-important companion to the taco – the burrito.
28 October 2006, 1:55 pmBDEaston:
I submit that the standard burrito is just a rolled soft taco with rice. A Mad Mex burrito would be next to impossible to eat in the negative quantity. Negative enchiladas are more likely, but you would definitely want some kind of wrapping (like the aforementioned foil or wax paper).
However I believe that if you had, say one bad taco out of many then you could end up feeling as if you had eaten negative tacos. It is also possible that this is not a negative taco but an anti-taco which utilizes a different kind of taco-hole. My feelings are that anti-tacos should be avoided at all costs.
30 October 2006, 5:28 amBentatsu:
I’ve imagined eating tacos many times. The complexity of taco eating has no limit.
3 November 2006, 7:56 pmColin:
Taco eating is only natural. It’s a critical part of keeping it real.
4 November 2006, 12:16 am